I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize