U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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