i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
