we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
