Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
