I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
