oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
