So drunk its hurt
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
