You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
