just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
