i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
