worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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