So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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