i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
