When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
