You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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