I'm lost and stupid without you.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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