What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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