I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
this boner is exhausting
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Randomize
