I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
