Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
