my phone needs a breathalizer
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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