Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
