just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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