Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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