Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
