The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Come on in and take your pants off
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
