saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
