is your mom at the bar?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
