How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
