Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
