I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize