our cab driver is having phone sex.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
