Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
