i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
