I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
