Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
