but the lizard people decide everything anyway
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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