I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He passed out mid-signature
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
