OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
ttyl tear gas
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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