We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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