your parents love me but you hate me
Whod you bang
My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
