I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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