So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
