We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
