Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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