i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
