i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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