did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
