She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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