Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
