i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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