sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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