she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
