We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
