in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
