New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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