so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
