Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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