On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
