i think my tv is drunk
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
