he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Randomize