It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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