I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
