So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
COCAINE IS GR8
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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