a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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