HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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