we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
