Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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