I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
