i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize