Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
