Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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