We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
