I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
