Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
