her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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