I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
How many fucks given?
0.12846
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
