Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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