awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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