yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
