here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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